my boyfriend.

I received a wonderful surprise tonight. my parents decided to drop the bombshell and told me over dinner just now that we're heading off to Genting Land, Malaysia tomorrow for a short weekend trip. hence, i decided to put in another entry today since i won't be able to do so over the next few days. although i'll still be bringing along my Mac, i don't think i'll be able to blog with my parents hovering.

so, since the whole thing was last minute, i had to make some arrangements. i got my BF to stay over my place to take care of my cats and i had to meet up with my friends since i won't be able to meet them over the weekend. and as always, talking to my friends just make me think.

after much deliberation, i finally decided that i'm gonna give my guy a chance. i've decided that i want to rekindle the love we used to have work things out. so, for starters, i shall give a brief introduction into how we came about as a couple...

it all started in february 2007. i was in army (unfortunately, i can't disclose the unit). just about starting my 2nd year of service. this guy called Wan was just posted into my unit. he was cute. but unfortunately, i hated him and i always thought that he was a little antisocial. but the funny thing was, he thought i was the unfriendly one. so we started off on the wrong foot. then, my supervisor, somehow made me in-charge of managing an event for my unit and i needed help. so i brought up the issue to my boss and my boss assigned Wan to me.

so while i was busy coordinating the whole event from the budgeting, to finding the location,entertainment, decoration, food and all the crap, Wan kinda helped me through everything. being the calm, patient and tolerant person that he is, he actually complimented me a lot as i'm the type of person who is basically a hot-tempered perfectionist. so we worked late a lot together. and on valentines' day, he was in a dilemma because we had to work but he had other plans with his GF (yes, he was straight at that time). so i somehow convinced him that i needed him around to settle stuff and made a card for him to give to his gf as a valentines' day gift since he had no time to get a proper one. btw, it was a nice card. (i'm talented. i know.) =p...

one thing led to another and i started to fall for him. then, a few weeks later, he broke of the relationship with his gf because she was going overseas and didnt want a long distance r/s. so poor Wan was all alone in army. that was when i offered him a shoulder to cry on and we ended up really spending a lot of time together. it was after the whole event that we were organising was over, i decided to confide my feelings for him. it took me a lot of courage but i did. at first, he didnt know how to react because he was my friend but he was not gay. and he did not want to hurt my feelings.

weeks went by and i was in total depression because i couldnt see myself without him. and the worst part was, we work together. so its hard for me not to look at him and not feel hurt. so i cried a lot and i avoided him where ever possible. until, one day, 3rd May 2007, i decided to ask him if he gave some thought about my proposal and he finally replied my SMS saying, " why not? you are a nice person and i've got nothing to lose". it was at night after lights out. but i couldn't sleep the entire night.

days went by and we really started to get to know each other and since we a both new to this thing ( i knew i was gay a long time ago but just never had a bf), we didnt know how to behave. and every morning, i will take the extra effort to wake up early so that i could catch up with him for breakfast and i would time myself really well so that when i go to the toilet for shower i would be able to peek into his bunk window and watch him change into his uniform! yummy! he used to make me smile so wide...

then, one night, we booked in together. i had to go to my table in the office as i left my cell there and he offered to accompany me. so then, both of us were in the office in the dark. it was in the heat of the moment and we kissed our first kiss! so passionate! i could taste it till today! and from that moment on, we had many other experiences. the office at night was the one place we could be passionate with each other. we kissed, and even slept together in the office (mind you, this is within an army camp). i miss those days... where we would sneak into the toilet in the middle of the night and would shower together and then sneak into the office and just snuggle together on the sofa...

so, basically, thats how our relationship started.then, i ord-ed. it was hard for us as we could not see each other as often. but i started to get busy with my work as a teacher and he, being trapped in army and all that. then eventually i started school again and basically, i was too busy with my own life while he was stuck in camp all alone. it was at this moment where i felt that he was expecting too much from me. he wanted me to call him from time to time but i can't because of my schedule i began to resent meeting him as it felt like a chore. many times, i wanted to call things off but thinking of our history, i just cant let go. and each day he reminds me of how much he loves me and can't live without me. and me, i love him too. but i don't like it when our relationship becomes a routine. where has the passion gone to? we do have sex from time to time but it just isn't the same...