it feels good to be back!

i'm finally back from the long tedious holiday. i am so tired, i swear i hate holidays with my family. i had a good time shopping and sight-seeing but the part where i had to play babysitter to three 4 year old cousins of mine, ain't that much fun. i mean, they are cute and all but children can be so tiring! i had to watch so many cartoons, i swear, one more sight of bugs bunny and i will be suicidal!

while i was in KL, i did some soul-searching and i tried to find myself again and hopefully discover why i'm so unhappy with my life. what i found out, scared me to death. i figured that am a person without a self. all this while, for the past 21 years, i've been living my life based on what others have set for me. be it my parents, my friends, the people around me, basically everyone. apart from myself. i found out that i have been living my life from the outside looking into myself rather than from the inside looking out. and this might be the reason why i am always so unsatisfied with my life.so, from today onwards, i am going to change that. i am going to focus on what i like and what makes me happy not because its what others would feel but because i truly am happy with it. so, everyday, i will write about something that makes me happy.

today, a couple of great things happened that made me happy. one, i spent last night at my sister's and we spent the entire night talking about stuff and how our lives have been thus far and things like that. having someone like her to talk to makes me happy. i just like to express my thoughts and at times share my problems with someone. so, thank you sis!

two, i baked apple pie today (with the help of my sis of cuz) but i didn't manage to take any pictures before it was all finished! baking makes me happy. its so orgasmic and therapeutic!

three, i went back to my army camp today to visit my friends. it was so nice to catch up with friends you've lost contact with and see how they've changed. i met my understudy, so is working hard to maintain the empire i built with my bare hands. its nice to know that you're hardwork and sacrifice is being appreciated sometimes! i met my warrant officer. although he can be a slave-driver, evil and demanding pain in the ass sometimes, most of the time, i actually like him a lot. he's dedicated, serious,hardworking and takes pride in his work and i really admire him as a father! kudos to you, encik!

and finally, i met up with my guy. i decided to heed the advice given by some of my online friends and try to work my relationship out. and i think, we made progress today. he talked, i listened, we had dinner together and we went up to his place. he held me ever so tightly and i felt all warm and fuzzy inside. and we basically just laid in his bed hugging all night and just enjoying each other.he asked if i'd marry him. but of cuz, being the realist that i am, i told him i don't the answer right now. i mean, we are still young. we have a whole lifetime ahead, i can't be certain if we'll still be together then but that does not mean i won't. what i mean is, this like this, i can't promise, but if it does happened, then i'll be very happy. i'm glad he understood what i meant.

i am a very happy boy today!