sawat dii khrap!

ok... i haven updated this blog in ages. frankly, i'm losing touch. again. hahaha...but before i completely lose track of it, i better make an attempt to write something.

actually, the reason i have not written anything, is because, i can't seem to think of anything to write about and my life has been a bore of recent. even i can't stand living it. so i wouldn't want to put anyone into the hassle of actually reading it. but i guess, once in awhile, i should write.firstly, to better my literary skills and also be reminded of the arduous journey of life that i have gone through.

so recently, i have learnt to come to terms with myself. i have been doing this module on performance identity and what intrigued me was the fact that as human beings, we can never ever say "this is my identity". this is who i am. there is just no such thing. yes, there is such a thing as core identity. but most, if not all, of the time, we are changing our identity to suite our surroundings and the people around us. this is so that we remain relevant in the current situation that we are in. having said that, we should note that no one can truly understand anyone unless they know the person long enough to see him in different situations and is able to identify the other party's core identity. so, its ok if you think you are misunderstood. so is the rest of the world!

now, what is core identity? core identity is basically the one element that remains constant no matter what situation you are in. for example, being gay. you may be gay and happy at one situation while gay and cynical at another situation but at the end of the day, no matter what situation you are in, you are still gay. hence, being gay, would be your core identity.

after blabbering on and on about this hypothesis, i would like to talk about myself. basically, i was a happy,outspoken, confident individual in the past. but as i grew up, i realise that i have become a recluse with barely any self confidence. i often wondered why. so, yesterday, i had a talk with my good friend carol and i finally found myself after being lost for the past 9 years or so. i realise that my 180 degree turn in life is because, i have been basically denying my true self and i have not come to terms with my true identity. so, yesterday, i made it public. i finally said it out. I AM GAY! i felt so good after that, i suddenly feel a huge load being removed from my back. for once in my life, i was in complete elysium! fantastic. now, my confidence is back and i am so comfortable in my own skin! so, what is your core identity?