break ups

break ups are hard. with every step forward, i move two steps back. i'm missing you like crazy but there is nothing i can do. 2 years we built our dreams and within seconds everything is destroyed. sometimes, love just ain't enough... we both loved each other to bits but when we don't see a direction in our relationship, it 's best to end it while we still have wonderful memories to hold on to. you are my soulmate. no matter what happens. its better to have had true love and lost than never to have been loved at all... goodbye my dear. may the memories we shared be etched in the corners of your mind... i'm setting you free...so fly....

whats been going on?

i have been missing from the blogging world for the longest time. and truthfully, i miss writing. so today, out of boredom i decided to take time off work and blog surf and ergo, was inspired to write a bit to unload the many emotions i've bottled up inside me. pardon the writing because this is totally unplanned.

so, i've been really busy recently with school and stuff. whoever said being an undergraduate was fun should seriously be shot in the head. i've been swarmed with work, i hardly have any room to breathe. even i am writing now, i am amidst editing my report due the end of the week. one of the sad things about being a student in singapore is the stiff competition. everyone is out there to kill each other and there is just no room to slacken. assignment after assignment,project after project and the next thing you know you are at the end of the road with exams only weeks away! the stress is really building up and it doesn't help that everyone else is out there living out their lives. like seriously, what the hell am i doing?

i met up with a couple of friends recently and at every meeting, the table-talk is the same. marriage and career...is that all there is in life? it is so sad that at 22, my friends are all planning out their weddings and the number of children they want! don't get me wrong, i think these are really beautiful things to think about but i guess...i'm just not ready... my bestfriend is planning to get married in 2 years and have children by 27. by 27, i still want to live life and see the world. why tie yourself down so early? i just don't get it. now, i begin to question, is it really time to think about all this? in less than a decade, all our lives would have changed. am i still going to live in this denial that life will always be the same? will i still have my friends? will they still have time for me? with all of them planning out weddings and stuff...i highly doubt so. so this made me think, when all of them eventually settle down, what is going to happen to me? will i ever get married? will i have children? is it even possible? do i really want to get married? or am i only pressured by societal norms to do so? i just wonder, what do gays like me think? what future do guys like us think about?

and career, huh! i can't believe it...i enter university, certain that linguistics is it for me. i was dead on about working in the media industry. only to have my plans crumble in front of my face! i've been trying to get an internship over the summer break but nothing seems to be suitable and frankly,i am getting frustrated. what prospects is there for a linguist like me in this tiny island? and now, i am questioning if i should even switch my major. torn between interest and career prospects....how cliche...

suddenly, i realise.. may be my dreams of moving to canada is not so much because of the appeal of the country per se. but more of the push factors i have to face from my own country. may be i just want to get out of this life i have led for the past 22 years and live a life that is truely mine. living my dreams and playing by my rules...

anyway, on a lighter note, i decided that i really need to escape from all this crap i am facing. and hence, i decided to do some community work in cambodia right after my exams. i hope that will put my mind off things and i can really start doing some soul searching....